Note to Zar-zar

Some things l’d like to tell my granddaughter in a few years, but probably won’t remember by tomorrow…

Find your strength. People without power can’t generate compassion, only cooperation.

Find your drive. The only prayer ever answered is effort. Every other invocation amounts to throwing pennies in a well.

Find your allies. You’ll need more than one lover or best friend. Humans aren’t solitary mammals, but a network of combined effort. We work together, or we shrivel alone.

Find your cope. You’re going to lose sometimes. Obstacles will arise. Be resourceful. Know what’s in your toolbox, and who you can count on. Make do. Come back. Win next time, for yourself and the people around you.

Find your wonder. If you can’t imagine a better world, you’ll be left sewing together the pieces of other people’s dreams. Dream your own. Make them big and wide. Believe in them until they’re real, and they will be. The house you live in was once a bare piece of ground, then a discussion about money, then a plan on paper, and then a pile of sticks and wires and wallboard, and then finally — after a lot of work that was driven by human belief — a house. Our whole world is populated by imagination realized.

Find your place in the cycle. Things don’t exist. There are only series of events. The world we see around us is as temporary as any other cycle. The farthest-flung galaxies of the universe are dying right now as we flare, briefly, into life. Try to elevate the cycles you’re a part of. The inevitability of entropy is no excuse to submit to it.

Find your heart. You’ll gain more by giving than by taking. Just trust me on this until you’ve tried it, diligently and often, with your whole heart.

You’re going to know the good from the bad. Trust yourself and choose the good, even though it’s usually inconvenient and sometimes dangerous. The hard way isn’t always the best way, but it usually is. Don’t cheat yourself by half-assing it. This is your whole life. Put your whole ass into it. Never apologize for insisting on a quality effort in yourself and others.

These are all aspects of love. Love is more than moony eyes, squishy hugs, and oxytocin. Love is a sustained, determined effort toward the good. It’s a martial art of the highest order, a muscle you can build with practice and aspiration, goodheartedness and will. Love everyone as hard as you can, and then love your close people even more than that.

Whenever you feel like you can’t make it and it all comes crashing in — and it will, sometimes — remember: you can do this.

I believe in you.